Friends Never Say Goodbye
by FlamesOfAPhoenix
Summary: In the aftermath of Sirius' death, and in light of Remus' new mission, Tonks struggles with the concept of goodbye.


**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling; I merely play with her creation. This was written for Cheeky Slytherin Lass' **_**The Potter Games Competition**_** and uses the following prompts: hide, dandelion, damaged, so thoughtless, so careless and the Rachel Summers' quote "****Goodbyes are always tough - especially if you think there's still a lot to be said before parting."**** I hope you enjoy!**

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There would be no funeral. This thought had haunted Tonks, tainting her mourning. Sirius had been snatched without warning, robbing them of the ability to say goodbye, and it hurt more than she could explain. There were so many things she'd wanted to say before their parting, and now she'd lost the chance. His absence screamed at Tonks, grief and anger vying for supremacy.

And it had all been for nothing, costing him his life.

It had been so thoughtless, so careless, but its repercussions had changed the shape of Remus' world. Despite the horrors life had thrown at him, Tonks had never seen Remus look so broken and damaged. Her heart ached for him, in more ways than one, and she'd have done anything to bring some light into his eyes. She understood, better than most, the grief that plagued Remus. When Sirius had died, they'd both lost much more than a friend.

They had lost a brother.

And, if Remus wasn't careful, Tonks would shortly lose something else, too. Sirius' death had acted as a catalyst, spurring Remus' need for action. Dumbledore's request for a spy amongst the werewolves was cynically timed, designed to take advantage of Remus' hurt and insecurities. Sparing a flash of resentment for the Machiavellian genius, she turned her attention to Remus' task and her fear of further pain engulfed her. She'd come to Grimauld Place with the intention of saying goodbye, heart laden with dread, but, sitting on a chair and swinging her feet, she was struggling to gather the courage.

With a resolute shrug of her shoulders, Tonks got to her feet. Pausing to check her reflection in the mirror, she concentrated for a moment. A few seconds later, her hair was bubblegum pink and decidedly spiky. She debated whether to morph away the shadows under her eyes, dark smudges painted on her face by tiredness and fear. In the end, she couldn't really see the point.

There was no use hiding it; they both knew she'd give anything to change the situation. If she'd blown on a dandelion, watching the tiny seeds scatter, she would've wished for Sirius' return and the removal of all their duties. But she didn't have a dandelion, and their responsibilities were immovable. Remus was leaving tomorrow and this was her last chance to comfort him, to make him understand.

With only a slight hesitation, Tonks made her way though the house and headed into the garden. Unlike the rest of Grimauld Place, the patch of dying grass had escaped the malevolent influence of the Black family. Overgrown around the edges, the tiny garden was surprisingly open, a tangle of weeds and flowers beneath a cloudy sky.

Standing at the door, Tonks surveyed the scene. Remus, hunched and weary, sat in the midst of the garden. Weak sunlight filtered through the trees, deepening the lines upon his face.

It was a heartbreaking sight.

"Wotcher," she said quietly, watching his reaction. Predictably, Remus started, before hastily rearranging his features. As usual, Remus wanted to hide his suffering, a trait that never ceased to twist Tonks' heart. "You don't have to pretend, y'know," she continued, coming to sit next to him. "I… I miss him, too."

Tremulously, she placed her hand on his. Although he flinched slightly, Remus didn't move away and, after a few seconds, she felt him relax. Furiously fighting the urge to blush, she looked into his eyes. For a long moment, he returned her gaze and, quite unconsciously, she leant forward. Her heart was beating unnaturally fast and she felt oddly light-headed. Before she could act on any impulse, however, Remus drew back.

"I can't," he murmured. It was the first thing he'd said to Tonks all day, and it cut through her like a knife. She didn't have to ask what he meant. It was obvious. An unspoken truth echoed in the air, silencing all her protests. They'd danced around the issue for months, neither daring to make a move. Sirius' death had brought them closer together, but Dumbledore's task had placed an invisible wall between them. Quite suddenly, Tonks was seized by a need to continue talking, to prolong the moment as long as she could. Drawing on her deepest desire, she spoke, willing Remus to understand.

"Sometimes," said Tonks, "I wish we could run away from everything." Remus' eyebrows rose, but, for a second, there was a clear longing in his expression. "Just… hide." She stared wistfully into space. "But then I remember," elaborated Tonks, "all the reasons that I joined the Order in the first place, all the things we're fighting for. You wouldn't be the man I… you wouldn't be _you_ if you didn't go on this mission." She stumbled over her words slightly, avoiding any declarations of love. "So, I'm not going to stop you. But I'm not going to say goodbye, either. Because that sounds so final, and this isn't the end."

As she said this, she couldn't help but muse on the contradictory nature of her feelings. On one hand, she wanted a final goodbye with Sirius but, on the other, she shied away from any closure with Remus. Overwhelmed by her whirlwind of emotion, she sought Remus' eyes again, and was stunned by the depth of emotion she saw.

"Thank you," he muttered hoarsely and, before she'd had time to blink, pressed a light kiss to her fingers. Releasing her hand, the werewolf cupped her chin. "Be careful. I hope you know that I… how I…" he trailed off, clearly unsure how to finish. With a torturous expression, he traced her cheek and stood, making his slow way back to the house. Once he was out of sight, Tonks answered his unspoken question. "Of course I do you silly sod," Tonks whispered, allowing her tears to finally fall.

Sirius was dead. The man she loved was leaving her. And no goodbye could take away her pain.


End file.
